Letters to the Past

Dear old friend
I still remember when
August all of a sudden felt like December
At seventeen, worrying
Unhappy in
The skin I wore too tight
Trying to remain unseen
So much chaos within
To the point where I didn't
Care to feel anymore
"Don't want to feel anymore"
My only friends were my demons
My enemies vultures
There to prey on me
Whenever I was at my lowest

I cried myself to sleep at night
So many times
And I prayed to your God
Asking him why
I cried myself to sleep at night
So many times
Confused and scared
Of the world outside
Angry and aware
Of what was going on

I still recall what they did to my brother
How they pushed him around
And no one stood up for him
And I remember nearly losing my sister
How death came close
And how that impacted her
I have been angry
I actually still am
And up until this day I question the true meaning of "friends"
Still have a hard time forgiving
Let alone forget
Right before I fall asleep
I still hear them in my head

I cried myself to sleep at night
So many times
And I prayed to your God
Asking him why
I cried myself to sleep at night
So many times
Confused and scared
Of the world outside
Still living
In yesterday

But this is who am
This is who I am today
And today I am
Proud of who I became
I am fine being an outcast
Because I am done
Trying to fit in
Spent so much time
Living in the past
But now it is time
It is time
My time to start living

And I still cry myself to sleep at night
From time to time
But I gave up your God
After a while
Still cry myself to sleep at night
From time to time
But at least I still feel
Something real
At least I
I still feel