Night Drive

'Cause sometimes the only way I can mentally heal is by getting
in the car, getting on the road, talking to myself. talking to God

I've been feeling stressed I've always
held my head up like I ain't even sweat
(I feel so much)
I smile so no one sees I'm really depressed
It's just me, the road, tears streaming down my lap
Heart following the stars,
driving smoking in my car like the moon ain't even really that far
(lost in the world)

Looking through the windshield, pinching checking it's real
I just wish I can feel every bit of joy here

I don't wanna stay here stressing but it's hard when I wake up failing
To count my blessings
It's complicated being a young father wanting the best things
For my daughters
And my wife and my health, yeah - dragged through some hell
Lately I've been anxious and well
I really feel trapped in a cave of my own guilty conscience, I wish
This self loathing wasn't so toxic
I wish i could stop it and stop this pill popping 'cause

I've been feeling stressed I've always
held my head up like I ain't even sweat
(I feel so much)
I smile so no one sees I'm really depressed
It's just me, the road, tears streaming down my lap
Heart following the stars,
driving smoking in my car like the moon ain't even really that far
(lost in the world)

The other day my girl jokingly said i wouldn't chase her if she left
I sat and thought about it and I was thinking maybe she's right

'Cause I wouldn't wanna bring you
down, it wouldn't be the first time I've
Built a house just to have it knocked down
I swear it's nothing on you 'cause
it's always just me, it's always my fault
It's always so easy to pack up your bags, walk out and leave me
I'm sorry I'm quiet but inside I'm screaming
I'm folding -I'm weeping,
I'm cold with no heating, I'm barely holding until the week ends
Sometimes I wanna walk to a cliff and drop to the deep end
I don't know if I'm serious

It's not easy being me, it's not easy being me
Believe that it ain't I shed too many tears I swear God hates me
He's seen me drown so much lately
All I want to do is cry lately,
this smoke in my lungs got my mind hazey
But it seems to be the only way I smile lately
Why does it feel like I can't keep a
steady job, sorry today I got fired baby
But this morning I woke up like I'm on fire baby
My daughters make me feel like I'm immortal like I ain't dying soon
We don't breathe the same air when I live in this monsoon

I've been feeling stressed I've always
held my head up like I ain't even sweat
(I feel so much)
I smile so no one sees I'm really depressed
It's just me, the road, tears streaming down my lap
Heart following the stars,
driving smoking in my car like the moon ain't even really that far
(lost in the world)

To my friends and my family - just know that I love you
These are just midnight thoughts while I'm on the road all alone
I would never take my life because I care for you, care for me