Holy Grail

Lately I've been feeling retrospective
I'm looking in the mirror and I don't see the reflection
It's funny how we all strive to feel a connection
Huh, the things we do for affection

I think to myself what in life would be different
If I ain't chose this path, why the fuck would I be living?
I turn to the bottle when I'm stressed, I'm steady sippin'
Sometimes I even thought about quitting

I think back to conversations with my mama
She told me to follow my heart even if I'm sacrificing commas
And for all those people who ever done me wrong
Let 'em blow in the wind and leave that shit up to karma

I look back on my life and wonder how it is I've managed
Take the knife out my back and you'll see my trust is damaged
Sometimes all the memories are too tough to ponder
Let your mind run wild and sometimes it will
Wander

I stand tall and look my demons in the eye
Even when my soul is shattered and I feel like crying
I get lost sometimes, I feel I'm the point of breaking
I'm just so sick and tired of all the fucking flaking

It's funny how we all chasing faith
Running from the past like we're all afraid
Overcome with guilt, see it's strange
It's hard to come to terms with the things that we can't change

I don't believe in doing shit just because it's what you been told
It's gotta come from the heart, so just do it and free your soul
And sometimes I know the goal can seem so far out of range
But just reach for the stars, who knows you might just spark some change

I been through highs and lows and never forget who was there for me
Shit, even some of them opened doors for me
My friends and fam, you know I can't live without 'em
Always keep me grounded and remind me how far I've come

My ex said she wanted kids but I told her I wasn't ready
About to call it quits, we wasn't even going steady
I guess it made me change my point of view on some things
Like try'na raise a kid when you ain't even been bought a ring

Made me think about the things in life that we chase
Maybe I'm too involved in my own selfish ways
Twists and turns, I been too caught up in the maze
The sun will still shine even on the darkest days

Some days I've felt that life has got the best of me
Chip on my shoulder, I feel like everybody testing me
Don't know why some days I can't get out of bed
Always think about the things I probably should have said

I think about the moments where I lost myself
Out of touch, into my soul is where I had to delve
Nowadays I feel that I'm seeking redemption
How could I have caved into all the deception?

Over time people change and you see their true colors
Take what they can and leave the rest for the vultures
I've learned I gotta see through all the facades
Can't put a price on love, you know that shit can't be bought

I ain't seen my best friend in over a couple of months
He somewhere over seas, you know he up there on the fronts
I think back to the time we was chillin' in April
He told me that to myself I just gotta stay faithful

Popped a couple Coronas, sort of reminiscent
Apologies my friend if I've been kinda distant
Out of all of your advice you know I've always listened
I'll be the same old me if I get a couple million

I know we all on a quest to find the Holy Grail
Trials and tribulations, you know that I'll prevail
I hope we find whatever it is that we searching for
Say goodbye to the past and whoever we were before