Shadow

My past keeps coming back, back like a boomerang
Every time I turn around, got a smile on it's face
Shows me what I'm worth, like I'm dirt on the holidays
Ain't no one calling me, ain't no one proud of me
Grew up fucked up, and that's why they doubted me
Bet that now you see, let me tell you honestly
Fuck all that modesty, pain beat it out of me
Know it's probably sad to see but this what I had to be

I walk around like I got a chip on my shoulder
Can't say I'm thrilled while carrying this boulder
Got a lot heavier the more I got older
No one ever said let me carry it for ya
Never trusted anyone, full of paranoia
Dwell on the past, it sure will destroy ya
You'll never be happy, and no one will enjoy ya
They'll try to stay away and hopefully avoid ya

When growing up this what I had to learn
No one ever really cared no one had concerns
No one ever shared so I never had a turn
Everything I really wanted I had to earn
It is what it is, and no one gave a shit
Always been like this, like why do I exist
Am I taking up space, like what's the point of it
I'm too scared to die, but I don't want to live

My shadow follows me around, everywhere in every town
Ever since I was a child, think it's funny how
It's always reminding me, of the pain that I caused
All the love that was lost, think I got that across
Doesn't matter anyways, I'll never have better days
Going through many names, the ones that played many games
Are fucking kidding me, don't you know my history
Will you be missing me, let me guess you'll just be
Ignoring me just because I'm a little different
Ask anyone they'll never admit it
Just my luck you probably still don't get it
Trapped in these bars like a life long sentence
What did I do to deserve all this
I care for everyone it makes no sense
It weighs on my brain that's why I'm so tensed
Imma get through it all, at all my expense

Think I'll be gone just like that
I'll never go away, that's why your still attached
Forsaken Prophet, you remember that track
I told your stupid ass that I'll be right back

Shut your fuckin mouth, you don't know a damn thing
Getting it off my chest I'm just ranting
Remember when they said don't act like him
It would hurt you so bad, while they're laughing
Yea I do what's your point, cause you didn't have a choice
You didn't have a voice, didn't have any toys
You was just a nobody, now you make a lot of noise
What if you run into them, you gon be a little boy

Fuck no, I'm gonna load up the chopper
Shoot every feeling that makes me stop it
Give it all I got for when I sock'em
I'll show you what nothing does, it's ironic
Who's the guy that girls want, well not him
Who's the guy that got the crowd, with them nodding
Who's the guy with a dad, but nothing he taught him
I'm pretty sad but pretty glad it all be forgotten

Cold wind blows when they say my name
Ice cold blood runs through my veins
You might be my shadow but you follow me
Your just a silhouette, of what not to be
Dark and possessive, ask myself the question
Is this really destined, I need a suggestion
Don't know where to turn in need of direction
Blurred up vision, had to changed my perception

It just feels like I'm walking on this road
No one but myself just me all alone
Got no time to stop, no time to say hello
May to stop to rest, but then I gotta go
For the ones that don't know me I'm nothing but a joke
They laugh in my face like I don't have a soul
I feel like a mistake, I'm always feeling low
Still feel like a kid, who never got to grow

I'm just walking till I fall to the ground
Can't get up, so I just stay down
Slowly close my eyes, and I don't hear a sound
Finally rest to lay, I'm nowhere to be found
The lonely warrior no longer has to battle
Always in the deep end, never in the shallows
Hard to be a king, with no one in the castle
Only one that stuck with me is my shadow

The images that I paint are pretty vivid
That's only because I'm the one who lived it
I did what I did cause I don't like restriction
Do what I can to change my position
I speak for anyone that really wants to listen
You can be at your lowest and be driven
I'll try to shine light in this weather that is frigid
And show an escape route out of this prison