Not the Night Wind

Morning breeze comes blowing in as pressure starts to fade
Me, I wake up early now, I know it's a cliché
Oh, but you'll never find me sleeping at the end of any day
It's far too much to find my primed imagination
It wanders through the night despite my petty protestations

But you'll never know I won't disclose the worried state I'm in
I do so value my composure, it's unclear where to begin
Between the headlines read and endless dread or anxious moments when
I just interpret with the best faith that I can
But uncertainty, unwelcome always comes to foil my carefulest laid plans

There are things we didn't ever used to talk about
The excitement in the evening just before the stars came out
Like the rustling in the shadows in the park
Like how we wandered off alone to find what we feel in the dark
Like how it doesn't just get easy 'cause you start

With your head laid on the shoulder of some boy you barely knew
Your unsleeping mind meandered through the things you did and didn't do
And uncertain in the morning, you'd remember it was true
And on the wings of it you flew into the next town
For the next few days, you smiled and said you're glad you came around

Oh, but the blowback's never easy when you're not sure what it means
The flipside of euphoria is still this mess, it seems
And when you found a path less traveled down, just climb inside your dream
There's always something saying you're not obeying
Some central laid out principles of being

I wanna say we are a people ever aching from self-doubt
Not that it's so unique, it's just a thing to think about
I mean, our parents model virtues of the workplace, of the house
But not the night, not the road, not the family we find out in the cold
Not to be tender-hearted, sending art via youthfulness when old

And you wondered what it meant to be politically queer
So when I'm lost within my longing is it, politics I hear?
Oh, but the way you felt so strong among the ones you held so dear
It wasn't home but someplace that you could believe in
And now the rents are rising and your closest friends are leaving

Oh, but there are the things we didn't ever used to talk about
Like how pretenses at purity just drenched us in self-doubt
Like how we arrive imperfect as we are
Like how the night wind felt more changeable than cold and distant stars
Like how sometimes it just all still seems so far