Pain

Everybody always ask me why I am how I am
This the song to let know
It's Queen Poetry

The heavens split and what descended was I
A goddess born from the sun moon and sky
I walk this path alone, no family no friends
Here is where my journey begin...

02-28-90 The year I was born
Coming up in a world of sin in the midst of the storm
The doctor smacked my ass yet the pain I wasn't warned
I cried from that day because the pain exceeded on
Called it my growing pains, yet I ain't DTP
Was a depressed child because they kept teasing me
I was mentally physically, and emotionally abused
Y'all just wouldn't understand unless you walked in my shoes
Age 5, went through a trial of molestation
That man raped my soul though there was no penetration
All I remember is darkness and unwanted hands
I was too much of a youngster to understand
Age 12, there's David, that nigga gets no amnesty
That bitch ass nigga molested all girls in my family
He was a pervert its sad I still battle them nightmares
I wish I can forget it all, it's mental warfare
Age 16, went through some unbelievable shit
My boyfriend at the time forced me to suck his dick
It was my first time but now how I imagined it
Tyrone Joseph if you listening, you a bitch
They say I talk about pain a lot it's all I know
My whole life been a foul and I ain't get no free throws
Tried everything in my power just to let it go
Even went to therapy can't lie it help me grow

Even though hope is the blood that's coursing through my veins
And I'm trying every single day to break these chains
It felt like my existence was just so mundane
When it comes to me the disrespect is so insane
And I'm trying my best every day just to maintain
Give my all until there's nothing left, I'm so damn drained
I've been through the storms yeah I've been through the rain
Always looking for love only seem to find pain

Now at 16 life was crazy, I'm surprised I kept my sanity
Cuz later that year I lost my damn virginity
To a nigga who was 19, He talked me out my panties
Then left a few days later to go back to his family
Age 19 was hectic for me a friend turned enemy
Because of his attraction to me, he chose to rape me
And till this day he's free, I never told the cops
Swear if I see him again I'mma make his heart stop
He wasn't the only one, sadly there's so many
Why didn't they stop at no? My mind was in a frenzy
It happened again, a 22 year old misfit
Met this dude where I worked, slipped up and let him hit
Ended up in a whole relationship
2 weeks later we broke up, cuz he was crazy as shit
He raped me in my sleep, 9 months later I had his kid
I don't believe in abortions, so I chose to commit

I try to keep my head high, let me fix my crown
Look at my beautiful kids every time I'm down
But I feel the funny vibes whenever I'm around
Feeling so discarded like I'm in the lost and found
I talk about my feelings they say keep that shit contained
When I explode they wonder why I always go insane
I'm emanating love, yet the question still remains
Why the fuck I gotta keep enduring so much pain?

Here I am a single mother, my baby father a deadbeat
He wants nothing to do with the child, if he can't have me
A year and a half later, I thought I met prince charming
He swept me off my feet without any kind of warning
My love for him made me allow shit that's real concerning
Manage to keep me in a trance for 6 years, I'm just returning
lost my kids to ACS my youngest was 4 months
He put me through shit that no wife or woman wants
I had to seek therapy, I was really suicidal
I wouldn't tell you that I love you yet act like I don't like you
If he try that shit these days, I'mma have to hide the body
We got 4 beautiful kids and they look up to they mommy
Went 30 whole years looking for love in the wrong places
I got love within my 4 kids, I see it in their faces
Most importantly I love me through ALL of life's stages
If I love you then you love me let's get back to the basic

Had to tell myself dont give a fuck what people say
You a Queen nonetheless each and every day
You are enough, never let nobody lead you astray
Love yourself enough to never beg nobody to stay
You descended from the Gods, let's not play these games
Pick up your head, fix your crown, you've made it through the pain
Pick up your head, fix your crown, you've made it through the pain
Pick up your head, fix your crown, you've made it through the pain