Poops I'll Pick Up

This is the dog
Why do you have the dog?
How long have you had him?

What time is it?
Around four?
Since yesterday

What?
We need to get this dog returned as quickly as possible
So people stop tearing up my park

Wait Dad, can we sidebar? I have a totally unrelated question
You know how you've always said we should get a dog?
I've never said that in my life, Cole

I know it looks like dog-napping behavior
But trust me dad, I'm this furry guy's savior
Trapped up in the tower with only Bitsy to nuzzle
Shampagne is like a way better Rapunzel
And it's not like I took him, if anything he took me
He took my breath away when he was taking a pee

Putting aside, this is probably against the law
That's just a tiny flaw
Son, you can't have a dog

Let me keep this dog, and I will never not walk him
I know that's a double negative, but I'm smart and
I'll take him to the veterinarian when he's ill
I'll get some peanut butter to help him swallow his pill
Right now, he's a lapdog in the lap of luxury
But he shouldn't be cooped up
He should be out there running free

Look at his eyes, can't you see that he's sad, man?
I'll clean up his poops
You can call me Mr. Bag Hands
Mr. Bag Hands?

When he poops, I'll pick it up
You'll pick it up?
I'll pick it up
When he poops, I'll pick it up
No, you won't
I will, I love that dog

Son, we gotta think about the consequence (ooh ooh)
What if we are sent to doggy jail for this?
Can't keep this dog
Papa, I believe this puppy's heaven-sent
I promise to pick up his every excrement

He has a home
We have to give him back
I'll take good care of him
We've been discussing that
We can't keep him
That's not part of the plan

We have to keep him
He makes me wanna be a better man
Please, Dad

When he poops, I'll pick it up
No
I'll pick it up
When he poops, I'll pick it up
Not that it matters, but no, you won't
I love that dog

Son, we gotta think about the consequence (ooh ooh)
What if we are sent to doggy jail for this?
Can't keep this dog
Papa, I believe this puppy's heaven-sent
I promise to pick up his every excrement

All right, so it's settled, we're keeping him
No, it seems like he's gonna be really great to have around
No
He's my best friend
Doesn't matter
I love you, dad
I love you too, Son
We're not keeping the dog