Sorry

Dear Grandma, I wish you were here
A lot of guilty conscience on our minds
Because when you would call we'd swipe decline
Now we regret it
It hurts when I see others doing the same thing
They don't get what it's like to having this ache pain
I keep having dreams of you
Last night I was running non-stop from the cops
And there you were with open arms

It felt so real because you made me feel so calm
But then I woke up to the sound of my alarm
I never got to say goodbye and I'm sorry
I was dealing with some other things
When I heard you were in the hospital suffering
I was given the opportunity to go
But even as I'm grown there's never a happy way to go
I'd rather stay with the memories we made and pretend everthing's okay
I'm still waiting for you to come and visit with my mom
And having empanadas as you talked
I'd sit back and listen, appreciate every time you visit
It hurts trying to remember your brown eyes as they glistened
My life may be a puzzle but you're the part that I'm missing

When I got the news you were in the hospital
I never thought that I had to go
You always made it out
But this time you never made it out
I went camping that weekend, I had my phone off
But when I turned it on I read that text
The one depressing ass text
The one text I thought I'd never get
I never worried about a death because I truly believed
You were blessed

You loved God but I guess he had different plans for you
There's so much I never got to ask you
Like how was your childhood?
And oh, and how do you make your food taste that good?

I guess I'll never know
Who would've knew it?
How could I've been so stupid?
Never took those moments to the fullest
Mad at myself to be foolish
I guess, 'cuz I never dealt with a death like that
Never really loved someone so much like that
Never thought that it'd hurt so bad but here I am
Crying my eyes out, like damn
I really wish you were here
I wish God would give you another year
So you could celebrate your birthday with everybody here
I still remember how you'd hug me and say take care of your mom
Now that I get it but you're gone

My daughter's so beautiful
I wish you could see her now
And I don't mean that you're in heaven looking down
I want her to hold you
I want her to believe everything I told her
You were suppose to live so much older
Nothing we can do now, case close, it's over
I promise you'll forever live in our hearts every day

Yesterday was mother's day
And it broke my heart to see all my mother's pain
I wish I could make this nightmare go away
But what am I suppose to say?
She still talks about you every day
Even though you're gone you will always stay
You always had a joke and I love you for that
You made my mom who she is and I owe you for that
If there's anything I could say to someone
Is appreciate your grandmother
Grandparents, because you'll never get another
Sadly, I learned it the wrong way
Just the other day I saw a grandmother that looked like you
She screamed for her daughter to wait
She looked back and continued walking away
It wasn't my battle but I know she'll regret it one day
I love you and I'm sorry I wasn't at your wake