To Death's Heart (In Three Parts)

Didn't hallucinate, it wasn't strange
Inside the lines I drew, been staying in my lane
Wasn't assigned to me, I'm not to blame
Brown bottles of Jameson, grey ashes in a tray I put out

Got cancer, sick
Got on a plane
Visited the Vatican to watch the pontiff wave
And he say, "Benedicite, benedicite, benedicite"
On a long hot Sunday

Got to get out of here, I can't remain
Limbs, they hang like chandeliers from alcohol and age
Down in the weeds again, tough to explain
Mattress soaked in gasoline makes iridescent flames
I lay down

I'll ask my love
What will she say?
What's it like to live with me here every fucking day?
But she states, "Agotante, agotante, agotante"
In her most gentle way

Still think of New York every time
I see your face now, it just feels like another life
I'm up late with an imaginary pain
Always did come in waves
All that's constant is
Constant is
Constant is
That change

Just grab the kids real quick, can't start the car
Fading like a photograph, your taillights in the dark
There's nothing left, no more to tear apart
Agonies are infinite and sympathies just aren't
They run out

I've seen that void, tried not to stare
There's bodies in the Bataclan, there's music in the air
And they sing, "Éphémère, éphémère, éphémère"
And "Wish You Were Here"

Enough blood to fill up this fish bowl
Keep swimming 'round
The exit's blocked, there's nowhere to go
All these same fears, year after year
All the old ones reappear
Only difference is
Difference is
Difference is
You're not here

What I'm wondering is do you believe in God, champ?
I, I believe, that, uh
But you're the champ, right?