Preoccupied

I've been preoccupied with
Hiding under the sheets
When my heart beats
Too fast for me to function efficiently

I've been preoccupied with
Deciding the balance between
Despair and self care
If I see relief I might be heading there

I've been preoccupied with
Arriving to work absurdly early
And it's been easy since my manager hid your picture

I've been preoccupied with
Driving far out to see my family
They want the best for me
And they hate to see me unhappy

Thought I was good at love
Because I gave and gave more than enough
Then ended up untouched

So I've been preoccupied with
Fighting the urge to stay in bed
By playing guitar instead of playing dead.

And I've been preoccupied with
Swiping every morning
So I can find someone to type to
Every lonely night

And if I'm bad at this,
I'm out of practice
I was gone for so long
And I didn't miss this
What did I miss?

I've been preoccupied with a good life
I've been preoccupied with surviving inside this good life.