Therapy Session

My therapy is music now I see him face to face
I've been lost in my thoughts tryna find this paper chase
I manifest my future so I never play it safe
But I gotta bring it back before I ever play the stage
A youngin' with some guidance, hiding pain behind the silence
Fought depression, tried to hide it but I always kept it smiling
People never woulda thought cause I grew up in a nice home
Dad's spilling liquor while he's gettin the dice thrown
Mom dating dudes that would turn to be psycho
They said I had it all but I still had to fight though
Sometimes I blame myself cause I ain't stop my dad from drinking
I knew he had a problem but I'd never overthink it
I'd say he's having fun, he's happy when he's drunk
Till he's in the hospital and he's throwing up some blood
Machines control his body and they're working as his lungs
No wife to make decisions so I had to be the one
I signed the fucking paper to get them to pull the plug
I didn't wanna do it but I knew that he was done
Ever since the day he died, I've been lost, no cap
I begin to make some progress then it all goes black
Cause my mind has been corrupted, every thought so wack
Best advice that they could give is Will don't talk like that
Why the fuck don't you try walking in my shoes for a minute
I got screws that is missing
And a family that love to watch me lose from a distance
They riding in their Porsche's taking trips to Hawaii
While I'm living in my car and my dishes are tiny
Dip this pen in truth serum and a lick of anxiety
Now I'm tryna save the youth while these kids are behind me
I was only 14 when I made my first song
Seen my grandpa in a casket and I had to get it off
There's 30 million kids like me that struggle with a loss
Tryna find a road to riches never knowing what it costs
I do this shit for you and I hope that you relate
Cause my only goal with music is to help to keep you safe
If you feel like giving up, hope you're popping in this tape
And it gives you lots of guidance and prevents you losing faith
I thank you all for coming to our therapy session
I pray it up to god and Ima carry these blessings
Chase every dream you got and don't be scared of rejection
See you all on Volume 3 or I'll be carried to heaven

How could I give a fuck when I already had enough
Don't come at me with that talk
How you know that it's been tough, I don't wanna be in cuffs
How that juvi life is rough
You don't know a fucking thing
And I'll gladly call your bluff
What'd they they you in that file? Let me guess
Hold up
That I was a problem child
That I rarely ever smiled
I got behavior issues piled up a thousand miles
Daddy issues cause he left and never grabbed the phone to dial
How the absence of a man somehow made me seek them out
That the anger in me now is from him just walking out
What about the endless nights that I stayed up
Laid up
Thinking what if
Come tomorrow
My mom don't wake up
She was
Everything I had, both a mom and a dad
So
Obviously I'm mad
You'd be a fool to think I'm not
But play it cool in front of cops
Don't need a pool of blood from shots
Follow rules and don't get got
Don't add fuel to what they plot
So I know
If I just pretend like
I don't want it all to end you'll just jot your little notes
Force some pills down my throat
Tell me this will help me mend
But I know that's not the case
You could see it in my face
I've been lost for too long, always feeling out of place
It's clear I've been abandoned from the cards that I've been handed
It's not rocket science, you can tell I have defiance
I grew up to battle lions
Struggled hard to get to triumph
That's why this is useless and I didn't wanna do this
There's nothing you could tell me bout myself that I don't already know
The odds usually show
That a kid in my position doesn't have a chance to grow
Maybe it's because of this
I never wanted to open up
Let a stranger hope enough that they could diagnose me
So my response is fight or flight
Then they say
They could gain more insight if I let them get inside
Let them dive into my mind
But they don't have a fucking clue
What it's like inside my head
All the demons that I've fed
All the blood that I've seen shed
All the times I've woken up, shadows circling my bed
How the fuck do I explain all the evil I have said
I don't
I just keep it to myself
Keep your shrinks, keep your meds
I don't wish to be dead, I'll just deal with how I've dealt
Use the ink, switch to lead until the day finally comes
When I have to meet my end