Thinking

I don't know I'm trying to be happy
I never realized it would be this hard
Thi- this is just one of those, man

I'm thinking all the time I think I need to let it out
Happy Thanksgiving cuz the family's all in town
But I think I need to leave, they tell me what to be
Tell me go to school and then just try to get a C
But I said that isn't me, I ain't fuckin' with degrees
Got a dream of getting plaques from the lyrics that I speak
But how I'm supposed to tell that to an older generation
Who doesn't give a fuck, hears the plan and wants to change it
I don't even know if I can do it on my own
Know I couldn't do it if I'm hanging out at home
But depression gets the worst of me I'd rather be alone
So don't even bother calling I ain't picking up my phone
Yeah I think I need to go, maybe for a second
Maybe for a minute so that I can manifest it
Maybe for a year so I can really see the blessings
But it's only if it's life that they really get the message
I know my family hates to see me thinking like this
And I hate to have my family see me sinking like this
But I'm tryna get away I know it's always in my head
Yeah I know my family hates to see me drinking like this
Cuz I do it every night it's a problem
Yeah I don't even know if I can stop it
And I'm sorry that I'm throwing all my issues at the mic
But if I can never vent, then I need another option
Yeah, and I need to get away but
Maybe it's a mindset I say it every day
And I never wanna talk about it know I'll never change
So if you're not my therapist ain't hearing what you say
But maybe I'm afraid, it's getting hard for me to tell
I don't know who's theres for me when all I need is help
And I'm scared to reach out it's like I'm hiding in my shell
This like the 57th song that I recorded by myself
But I only feel alive when I'm writin
This the only thing that keeps me up at night and
I just wanna be the best that I can be, for my family
But I'm frightened, I been thinking