Hide and Seek

Again and again
Start over from scratch
Build up from the ground
The new kid in class

I tell them my name
Again and again
I try to be kind
And hope for a friend
And hope for a friend

It's like a game of hide and seek
They count to ten and look for me
But it's been half an hour
I'm still crouched behind the couch and think
That maybe they've forgotten me
Gave up, gone to watch T.V
But I'll be hiding quietly
In case they circle back for me

The childhood I had
An outsider in my head
Again and again

Again and again
We pack up and move
I skip like a stone
New school to new school

Unable to float
And holding my breath
Afraid to approach
Will you be my friend?
Will you be my friend?

It's like a game of hide and seek
They count to ten and look for me
But it's been several hours
I'm still crouched behind the couch and think
That I'm the piece they'd rather lose
The seed you plant that never blooms
A new kid much too nervous to stand up
Step out or leave his room

The childhood I had
An outsider in my head
Again and again

"Class we have a new student
He's a little withdrawn
He just moved here from Texas or Nashville or Mars
He'll be gone before long
So he's not worth the trouble
He's a novelty when
All the cliques are connected
The ephemeral friend"

It's like a game of hide and seek
They count to ten and look for me
But it's been twenty years
And I'm still crouched behind the couch and think
That I'd be different had I known
That birthday cakes and milestones
Wouldn't mark my progress growing up
Like years of eating lunch alone
The childhood I had, an outsider in my head
I ask myself: without it, would I be the Bug I am?
Again and Again

It's like a game of hide and seek
But it's my turn to search and, see
I still know all the hiding spots to check
To find the lost and thank
The childhood I had, an outsider in my head
But never again