i can explain

This is about me
This is about you
This is about me and you
This about it
Whatever it was or could've been
This is about why it never seemed to work out
This is about why I couldn't give myself to you
To what I wanted for myself
There are a million reasons why
I could go on forever
But here's 5
I can explain

I am impatient
I want it all and I want it now
Or I don't want it at all
I'm picking you up
Why weren't you outside already?
I want us to be better
Why haven't you changed yet?
I want to be successful
Why am I not there yet?
I always want things to be perfect before I even start them
Then I never start them
I think I know what I want
Then switch up when I have to work harder
Realizing it's not really what I love
What do I love?

I don't know who I am
I'm still trying to figure that out

I don't love myself
I realized I don't give a fuck about myself
I chose everything over myself
I gave all my love to people who wouldn't reciprocate
To things that had no purpose
I got caught in a constant cycle of overworking myself
Nothing
Was for me
And only for me
My love
My time
My energy
How can I possibly love you if I don't love myself?
How can I give myself to you when I have nothing left to give?

I lost my faith
I stopped going to church
I was aware of my faults but never brought them to Him
I sat in my sin
I couldn't truly love because I didn't know real love that's only provided by Him
I thought I could do everything on my own
That I had to fix things before committing to Him
I forgot that He fixes broken things

I am used to things not working out
I am used to being hurt
I am used to sadness
I'm used to being let down
I'm used to not being enough
I'm used to love not existing
So I sit in it
And now I'm stuck

But I am no longer that
I am learning to be patient
I am figuring out who I am
I am learning to love myself
I am learning to live in my faith
I'm going to make it work out
So I don't have to explain anymore