Jack-O'-Lantern

Oh, it'll never end
But oh, I still pretend
That the man in my head who keeps me locked in chains
Will tell me "Hey, look, now all your pain
Has come to a stuttering happy close
And everyone, yes, even those
Who doubted you and brought you down
Well, everyone will come around
So go to the mountaintop and scream
That you're back at home, you're fucking free
I'll drop the charge, I'll drop the chains
And I'll stay out of your brain"

I'll die with no control
I'll die before I'm born
I drove 50 miles on the highway to start my job at the deserted radio tower
A small empty shack with a giant antenna
And I was alone there for twenty years
Sending signals out to no one except the echo chamber between my ears

But I walked by that house every day for five months
Watched it get built brick by brick
Are you going to tell me
Whatever happened to it?

And that's what happened with my friends
Each of us dying one at a time
After years of building ourselves up
Until nothing burned behind our eyes
And our blood turned cold and reptilian
Last time I watched videos of myself as a child I cried
I guess I don't like knowing what I missed

I will carve smile after smile until I am unrecognizable
That thing within me has won
What was once me all those years ago can never come back