Mr. Right

You would never raise a hand to me
And you would never treat my mama mean
You don't drink milk from the carton, you use a cup

You're as handsome as the day is long
And you listen to the lyrics of my song
And you would never get some other girl knocked up

So you're not my type, you're just too nice
No felonious history and no secret wife
You wouldn't lie to me, so we just aren't meant to be
Just move along, don't make me tell you twice

You've got no addiction to pills or sex
You haven't got one psycho ex, to call me at 3am
To tell me that you're gay

And you would never vote for Trump and you would surely never, ever, ever
Dump me on my birthday, no that's not your way

So you're not my type, you're just too darn nice
No felonious history and no secret wife
You wouldn't lie to me, so we just aren't meant to be
Just move along, don't make me tell you twice

You have a job, you get my jokes, you listen to my anecdotes
You would never say, I've heard this one before

You would never make me cry and you would never need an alibi
And I would never find you passed out on the floor

So you're not my type, you're just too damn nice
No felonious history and no secret wife
You wouldn't lie to me, so we just aren't meant to be
Just move along, don't make me tell you twice

Maybe for one night, I can roll the dice
Then tomorrow I can search for Mr. Right