The Fish Song (Country Version)

They'll try and cram platitudes in a man
Just jam 'em in — he's a tuna can
Like "There are many fish in the sea" and
"God has touched each grain of sand"
Well, it sounds to me like someone has
Too much time on His hands
And I don't want to have to spend
All my life as a fisherman

If I catch a fish, should I
Draw her from her waters?
Watch her flop about my deck
Before I cut and gut her?
Cook her up in olive oil and
Serve her up for supper?
And once I have consumed her, I
Should have to catch another?

Well soon the seas shall be empty
For all men will go fishing
Until appetites are satisfied and
That's just wishful thinking
They're polluting all our rivers with their
Lines and constant angling
They'll cast a net around the world
That's as choking as entangling

If you feed a man a fish, you'll
Fill his belly for a night — but if you
Teach a man to fish, he's
Famished but he's occupied
I'm so sick of baiting hooks with
Fancy lures and worms and flies, I'd
Rather sail on aimless-like and
Hope that fish fall from the sky

Perhaps I ought to dry my skin
'Til it flakes and scales
Shed my forelimbs for some fins and
Spin myself a tail
Hold my breath till I develop gills or the
Blowhole of a whale
Then I can make some plans to
Join all those fish in the sea
If they'll have me