A Letter to False Hope

You lost a son, do you even care?

The one that was forgotten
The one that was first but put last
Burdened by trails of self destruction and grasping for affirmation and living in the past
To say we are stronger
To get that pat on the back from your peers saying it's ok
What you did, what you've done in my book will never be ok

Every fucking conversation even though they have wore so thin that they now don't exist
You still find a way to flip it to yourself

Selfishness is your true sickness

Days turned into months, years, and a decade
I just wanted to hear I'm proud of you son
But instead I got told I need to go to NA
I won't blame you for my problems but you've been the ivy digging it's roots into my core

I don't know you
And you don't know me
All my life I wanted to know you
But you didn't want to know me

You cant hit reset and think that everything changes
You don't get to fucking send me an empty apology when it's fucking court mandated

Fuck you for making me hate myself
Fuck you for making me miss out on all the moments
I could have had if you ever gave a shit
And fuck you for every time I craved a drug I see myself in you

I used to dream one day I'll see the number pop up on my phone
And hear an unbegged, unwarranted I love you just because you thought of me
And I'm done giving myself false hope
All of your peers can tell you you did your best in the situation you were put in

But I never asked to be alive

So I guess this is goodbye