First

I've been passing
Looking okay from the outside
When they throw out a suggestion I duck and shuffle my feet

But they might notice
That this time it's different
I won't dodge the question, I'll just dance down the street

'Cause I've been gripping the edge of the sink
Staring into the eyes in the mirror
Letting you yell about how I fuck up all the time on repeat

And you got so loud I couldn't call you out oh!
Party was next door but now it's coming to my house
Yeah you got so loud I couldn't call you out oh!
Party was next door but now it's coming to my house

And I've been sinking
Looking okay on the surface
I thought I had to drown to learn so I didn't speak

And they might notice
That this time it's different
I'll grab their hand and drag them dancing down the street

'Cause I was laying alone on the floor
Staring up at the ceiling
Wanting to add to the noise to keep you from cussing me out on repeat

'Cause there are no words for this
Until you say them

And you got so loud I couldn't get them out oh!
Party was next door but now it's coming to my house
Yeah you got so loud I couldn't call you out oh!
Party was next door but now it's coming to my house

Here we go here we go here we go here we go here we go here we go

That was the first time I saw the smoke in my grip and I didn't take a hit
That was the first time I held the battle in my hand and I didn't swallow it
That was the first time I had a sharp knife and I didn't want to point it in the mirror
I didn't run away, I didn't make the cut, I didn't eat it
I did nothing
I did nothing
I did nothing
Oh my god

There are no words for this
Until you say them