The Birmingham Ho

OK... Taxi!

I met this girl in a Birmingham taxi
I got it first, but she slipped in before me
Just as I was telling her, hey this is mine
She already told the cab driver where to go

Me I always show respect for the ladies
I sat back and let her have it her way
So good lord sees me through darkness and light
I tell you what I remembered from that night

I'm hungry, do you fancy a little something to eat?
I can't go on forever on Cognac and weed
But she was already on the way down in the seat
I tried to stop her, or maybe I didn't

So there I was in a strange situation
The chauffeur said I can drop you off at the station
I said no man, no don't
I tell you when to stop keep your eyes on the road

You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
No, you don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK

Two hours later, she was still at it
The driver had to refill gasoline and shit
Baby baby, introduce yourself
What's your name, girl?
My name is Fred
Fred?
Fred, yeah
Fred, a'what a'what did you say?
Now that put me back a bit 'cos I'm not gay
Now that put me back a bit 'cos I'm not gay

You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
No, you don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK

So whatever kind of trouble you might get yourself into
Just think of me that night and what I went through
I thought it was Helen or Marie or whatever, giving me head
Until I realised it was this dude called Fred ... Hello

And that was a Birmingham Ho
Hey, ho hey, ho hey
And that was a Birmingham Ho
Hey, ho hey, ho hey, ho hey

Take it away now.

Hold on a minute, that's bullshit
You told me it was a microphone
And you wanted me to sing in it
I have a lot of friends and I do lots of things for them
I don't think it's me, I think it's you that have a problem
So zip up and try to be a gentleman
I have feelings too and I don't need you to hurt them
So zip up and try to be a gentleman
So zip up and try to be a gentleman

You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
No, you don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK

You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
No, you don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK

And that was a Birmingham Ho
Hey, ho hey, ho hey
And was a Birmingham Ho
Hey, ho hey, ho hey, ho hey...