Pretty

It was my fifth grade Christmas pageant
I went up to read my passage
Got the giggles, the kind that you can't stop
I crept back to my seat
Face as red as boys are mean
He said, Hey fat girl, you ruined everything

I wiped the tears off my glasses on my velvet Christmas dress
And I wondered if I'd ever be pretty

Watched the mirrorball spin
Around the middle school gym
Hopes were high, but I was shy, and he was a cool kid
My best friend asked him to ask me to dance
He said, I can't, she's too fat
And he just laughed

I pretended not to cry by the free throw line
And I wondered if I'd ever be pretty

When I was 17
Some old has-been said to me
Honey, you look like a million bucks
But if you lost 30 pounds
Yeah, just think about it
I bet you'd look like 20 million

So I cut hard and I cut fast
Ran round and round the high school track
There wasn't one damn calorie I didn't know
I stuck fingers down my throat to fit into my skinny coat
And we all pretended not to notice the water running

Brushed my teeth and wiped my eyes on a polka dot towel
And I wondered if I'd ever be pretty

Now that I'm grown up
I've tried to learn to love
Every curve, every line, every imperfection
There's a woman in the mirror
But sometimes I still see her
The little girl who would never be pretty

I step up and let some number make it a good or bad day
I'll be damned if I'll ever be pretty