Grow Up

I couldn't grow up
I thought I knew stuff but I don't know what
I showed up to the party but the Bacardi bottle was sewn shut
So what does it mean when you get cut from a dream and it blows up
And every time you seem to get closer you end up feeding your holes with
The demon that holds you, if you dream of exposure
And fiend for your close-up, then he will expose you
And if you think you that you know everything that you go through
It's he who controls you... It's he who controls you...
(It's the thinking that owns you by thinking it knows you)

Had to grow up
Just to grow down
Thought I knew stuff
I don't know now
Had to break up
Just to breakdown
Had to get up
Just to get out

Hi my name is David, yes I am an Alcoholic
Sex and sugar addict slash whatever sounds exhausting
I never wanted to get sober but when you're 50 thousand dollars
In debt, well it feels like it's the only valid option
(There's always prostitution)
Couple that with panic attacks and the loss of constitution
Pushing away everyone I love with paranoid delusions
Shooting dope into my veins and screwing up my system
Oh and getting in that high speed chase and almost ending up in prison
(Forgot about that one)

See when I finally crawled out of my own buried missle silo hole
I realized I spent most my life just living in survival mode
Holding onto all my rage and all the things that I was owed
Until the only thing that's left is me and just my pride alone

Until the only thing that's left is me and just my pride alone
Until the only thing that's left is me and just my pride alone

Had to grow up
Just to grow down
Thought I knew stuff
I don't know now
Had to break up
Just to breakdown
Had to get up
Just to get out

See I was on this mission racing crowded by this vein distortion
That if I showed these kids I made it surrounded by this fame and fortune
That I would finally fix the kid who always felt so different
That if I had a stage to say well maybe they would listen then
See my dad he was a gambler used to think that was insanity
He abandoned everyone he loved even his own family
But now I don't know what's the difference between sucking dick for recognition
And losing all your money for that roulette to hit perfection
And you can have this useless bag of abusive madness
I've been using as a broom to trash my using habits
This who's his dad infused with sadness bruised and battered useless chatter
As I seek for some closure with people who know the reach of my soul
Cuz I need them to hold me and
I'm tired being so lonely that even my own me can even disown me

Had to grow up
Just to grow down
Thought I knew stuff
I don't know now
Had to break up
Just to breakdown
Had to get up
Just to get out

Had to grow up
Just to grow down
Thought I knew stuff
I don't know now
Had to break up
Just to breakdown
Had to get up
Just to get out

See survival doesn't mean anything unless you're using it to stop a war
But when it's done, the jig is up so give it up, just drop the sword
There's a lot of things you're missing think you've forgotten what you've been here for
So drop the gun and listen up there's a lot of things worth living for
Drop the Gun and listen up, there's a lot of things worth living for
Drop the Gun and listen up, there's a lot of things worth living for
There's a lot of things you're missing, so I don't know what you're running towards
But let's pause for once and listen up there's a lot of things worth living for