If I Could

If I could live longer
Or at least know my timeline
I'd get out of bed faster
Or at least tell myself that at night

And if I was stronger
It'd be called more than mildly attractive to the eyes
I'll ask permission to ponder
Whether I deserve this life

Nada se siento mejor
Pero si no pienso
Nada duele juntos
I'd say by now my heart is torn
Nada se siente mejor
Stretched out on the bathroom floor
Invadir my corazón
Con pictures reminding me of what comes before
Lo que llamas amor

If I could feel better
If only I wouldn't listen (to them)
Maybe then I'd talk to her
As if that's my biggest problem

But then if I could love harder
Myself included in the targeted audience
I'm not saying I'd be happier
But maybe just a bit more content

This feeling is what
Fills me instead of bones

You made me this
Now deal with it

If you didn't cry
It didn't happen

The healing
Is the most painful part
Sometimes

To rebuild a skeleton
Is to know it needs
Better bones

And just like that
I'm running again

Why even try
To heal

Here is my heart and soul
Do with it what you like

I swear
It made so much sense
In my head

After all that happened
You don't know
What you did

I miss you much too

It's been so long since I've thought like this
My four walls seem to think it's nice