Pink Aluminum Christmas Tree

She sent my pops right into town
To pick a Douglas fir
He bellied up to the bar instead
And said to the man, "Yes sir!"

Old pops he liked his eggnog strong
He drank until he heaved
Crashed his car into a wrong-way sign
But boy, was he relieved

'Cuz there in a ditch he saw lots of kitsch
Thrown out carelessly, wasn't any old tree

It was a pink aluminum Christmas tree
She said, oh, oh, the humanity
That pink aluminum Christmas tree
Is givin' me the blues

She said, that pink aluminum Christmas tree
It's just about as hideous as can be
That pink aluminum Christmas tree
Is givin' me the blues

I googled it and I found out
The tree had many fans
The gays and the artsy people who
Live in faraway lands

So I put that tree on eBay
I didn't know how much they'd spend
On a pile of aluminum foil with split ends

I watched as the bids trickled in with such glee
O, Christmas was saved by that nasty old tree

That pink aluminum Christmas tree
Sold for a cool $953
That pink aluminum Christmas tree
Has put away my blues

Thank god that Daddy drives drunk
Thank god he brings home old junk
Such a dysfunctional family
Mama's a screaming banshee
Sister's out banging in Cadillacs
Me I'm wrapping up midcentury knick knacks

That pink aluminum Christmas tree
That pink aluminum Christmas tree
Oh that pink aluminum Christmas tree
Is giving me the blues

Come on, one more time
That pink aluminum Christmas tree
That pink aluminum Christmas tree
Oh that pink aluminum Christmas tree
Is giving me the blues
C'mon boys, wrap her up