Monday March 23

She cried because the pain was unbearable
She cried because no matter how strong she was, he was still stronger
He could hear her crying out and begging him to stop
But it only seemed to make him want more of her
The louder she got

The harder he went, the more she wept the more he took
And so he kept on taking what he
Assumed belonged to him, until he was satisfied
And at that moment the rest of the innocence that she
Had barely been holding onto was drained from her eyes
She stared of into the nothingness while he spoke into the background
His voice was muffled and her mind was drifting

She felt frozen, lost, isolated, worthless
Completely fucking empty
Beggin' and screaming, "please stop, I can't take it. I mean it"
But he kept on going, panic overflowing, tears is flowing
Man I barely even know him, why do he feel like I owe him?
Any part of me at all, he took that shit as if he fucking owned it
All I'm doing is relaying what I'm thinking, but not saying
I been locked up with my own thoughts, I aint even fucking praying
I been locked inside me room, I feel like I been going crazy

Why the fuck am I so chill about it?
Why don't this shit phase me?
Front seat of his SUV, we drunk and he on top of me
It start to hurt so fucking bad, so I'm like "hold up- get of please"
But he say I aint running 'till he cumming I'mma take the D
And now I'm fucking crying, I can't take it, he aint listening
But fuck it- y'all don't get, y'all could never fucking understand
How it feels to be a woman stuck under a fucking man
Crying and you fighting- and you can't even move his fucking
Hands, lay there and you crying

Till he's done with his fucking demands
Just incase some of y'all mother fuckers uneducated
Lemme break it down, shut the fuck up, just listen, I'll explain it
Any woman can change he mind at anytime, fuck the arrangements
Matter of fact, its the fuck with sometimes she don't gotta say shit
I know that it's hard to understand when you a selfish man
And everything in your life was given to you from someones hands
So everything you see in life, you take it, done it all your life
Man, why you think women so pressed
To walking around with guns and knifes?

When I told my wife all she said was "damn thanks for sharing"
If it ain't my best friend, then who else is supposed to be caring?
Told another mother fucker, he ain't believed it, said I was trippin'
What's the fuck the point of saying shit
Thats why I keep this shit it
And the shittiest part about it was he was my own blood
And I don't mean a relative, I mean the gang, it fucking sucks
When it be your own people who fuck you up, like yo what the fuck
You supposed to protect me, now I don't even wanna throw signs up

I'm scared for life, its hard to find my old self, I lost my own mind
But just like every other trauma in my life- man I'll be fine
I aint no snitch, I recognise that karma's real, and so am I
So fuck it, I'll keep punching, just let him believe in his own mind
I'm good, man, don't ask me how I'm feeling, how I'm doing
I've gone years and years without human
Connection, y'all done ruined my perception and my movement
Talking to myself, I'm fluent
I've been screwed over so many times
By my own kind, so fuck y'all, screw it

My own father gave me the greatest peice of advice, he said,
"The older that you get the more you will start to realise
That no one actually gives a fuck
And won't for the rest of your life"
And now that I been growing up, I see that he couldn't be more right
This bull shit happened right after I fucking lost him, how 'bout that
Now anywhere I go, I gotta deal with another fucking man
That I just ain't him, I hated him, fucking mad I want him back
Honestly, I just miss my fucking dad