Your New Boyfriend

Life isn't quite what I thought I'd be
When I was a kid on VoIP
I thought when I get older
I'd marry her, I told her
Now I'm 26, and I work in an office
Nine 'til five's not the best, I'll be honest
If I could change a single thing
I'd make it me and not him

But he's in your bed, I'm in your Twitch chat
I've got the key, and he's just a doormat
And even though he's got social skills
That doesn't mean I can't pay the bills
Anyway, make the most of him
'Cause she moves on pretty bloody quick, oh-oh
Your new boyfriend's an arsehole (whoo!)

Yeah, I've met Jared (of course I've met Jared)
The one who took you away from me
You hit it off instantly
I know, 'cause you won't stop telling me
I've seen his jawline, shoulders, and muscles
Push against his fashion sense
I've thought about what he looks like nude
I'm not gay, though

'Cause she's living the dream (living the dream, living the dream)
Oh, she's living the dream
From back when we were 17
She's living the dream (living the dream, living the dream)
Oh, she's living the dream
From back when we were 17

How on earth could I be saved?
When I'm one click away from insane
I just think that I deserve
A little bit of what I earned
I'm not gonna make another scene
The one I made when I was 23
Means I'm not allowed in Disney World

But he's in your bed, and I'm in your Twitch chat
I've got the key, and he's just a doormat
'Cause even though he's got social skills
That doesn't mean I can't pay the bills
Anyway, make the most of him
'Cause she moves on pretty bloody quick, oh-oh
Your new boyfriend's an arsehole

I think about you every day (every day)
So how on earth can I be saved? (Can I be saved?)
I think about him a lot as well (I think about him)
Maybe if he wasn't fine as hell (he's really fine as hell)
'Cause you're beauty
And you're grace (and you're grace)
Your telephone calls are my favourite place
And I want you to notice me
With no restraining order, please (Jason Derulo)
I want you to care
I want to smell your hair