I'm Not Really Sure

I feel un-ending pain I swear I've seen them brighter days
I feel alone cuz all my ride or die's just ride away
I'm on my phone I'm calling home to see if I can stay
And now I'm on my knees at night so up above I send my praise

Dear Lord I know you up there looking down on what you've made
Dear Lord I pray that you forgive me for all my mistakes
Dear Lord I hope you plan to take all of my pain away
Cuz lately I've been running from myself and I don't feel the same

I understand that what I've been through really ain't that bad
I understand all of the opportunities I've had
I understand that I can get to stressing way too fast
But it's the ones who judge me who just make me even more than mad

You wouldn't get the things that haunt me on the daily
I could try to tell you things but you would only think I'm crazy
I would rather not accept all of the what its and the maybes
It's the ones who talk about me be the ones who make me hate me

And lately I feel I'm changing
The people and the waves seem like the only thing I'm chasing
I'm talking to fake friends more than I'm talking to the lord
And I'm struggling right now and love is all I can afford
So give me more

Just show me all of your affection
Show me even though I'm broken in your eyes you see perfection
Show me I can be successful without going out and flexing
Cuz I shattered into pieces and I need someone to fix me

I need someone who really gets me
I don't know my size so can't find anyone who really fits me
I could tell you that I'm happy all the time but I'd be kidding
Everybody's getting happier when lost is all I'm getting

Life's like a game of Simon says
If you don't do what your told then they all coming for your neck
The people of the present time have only learned to disrespect
And now I'm hurting cuz I'm different, please just listen my request:

Don't complain, stay the same, I'm begging please don't change
Life's a game but it's insane so don't try switching lanes
Every broken dream and all the pain engraved into your brain
No matter what they say to you don't let them disrespect your name

Make sure you keep your chin up keep your spirits higher
The days seem like they get much worse but never quit the fighting
There's always gonna be someone who beats you when you're trying
But your future's shining bright, you always dreamed bout silver linings

Not sure of who I am or who I am supposed to be
Not sure of what I've done or what the world has done to me
Not sure of all this rain and why it brings the thundering
Not sure why everybody leaves and now I sit here wondering...

Are these the memories I really have
Can someone help cuz I need to go erase the past
This life I'm living don't know what I'm living for
Got this broken pain within me, think I'll name it:
"I'm not really sure"