Blessings

Gun to my head, I had to the count of ten
Was finally finna die so I just called it a win

Dumped and forgotten without no hesitation,
Still got for love them people never made that revelation

Pain and frustration behind the henny and blunts
I'm just hoping I die within these next couple months

Unfair life choices,made it out got rolls Royce's
Keep all them things just wanna kno wtf real happiness means

Just spitting to spit not even tryna get famous,
Black and depressed but they'd say I'm woke and too dangerous

The chase of the wealth is just to mentally chain us,
Stuck in a country that utterly needs us and hates us

Fuck a racist COP we need the opposite is a POC more people color cuz
if you touch my brother this glock
will make u stutter like ya name was dudda

As well as the discretion of living with my depression,
Parents just called me lazy I almost failed to mention

Just branded me lazy and had no type of retention followed up
With detention just school's way of a child's mental lynching

Can't even ask my pops nigga was never there,
A world full of extinguishers and he was Smokey the bear

I'm basically just a sign keep out nigga, beware
Gone before my first breath of fresh air

Always tell me but look at the man you are today,
Crippling depression with a trigger
Finger to keep my inevitable death at bay

I'm too goofy
Always keep my niggas laughing and smiling so they
Can never know my pain the never ending feeling of dying

Feel like a world wrestling pay per view
No way out
Look in my brain for dopamine but just discovered a 20 year drought

Suicide is the only answer
I often contemplate it,
Intensely meditate on it
Given I'm more advanced in it
Started to say fuck all this extra shit
Blow my own head off kill the trouble of it

Keep telling niggas,existence is pain
The drugs, sex addiction and that's just a specific lane, anxiety,
Low self esteem,
ADD or ADHD it confuses tf outa me, bad habits of day dreams

I'm just tryna die,
To not feel the need to cry or say my last shalom or
Goodbye, but I'm thirsty, I'll take a bleach and cyanid

Then Spoke to the folks bout my crippling
Depression niggas called it syfy,I'm not even surprised

Shit just don't exist like the mental hogties around my wrists,
Forgot my birthday and said fuck Christmas,
Then get called antisocial and throw a bitch fit

Just a prime example of a mechanism that's unhealthy used to sooth
And to cope,
A literal cry for help everytime I cook dope or call myself the pope

I feel so goddamn alone, no one picked up ET phone home

Looked inside my head call me kevin im home alone