Stupid Freakin' Elf on the Shelf

After the second consecutive night I forgot to move the Elf on the Shelf
I woke up thinking, "Oh no, I forgot to move the Elf on the Shelf again"
Well, after the third consecutive night I forgot to move the Elf on the Shelf
My kids were like, "Dad, he didn't move again"
And my wife was like, "You have one job, one job
It's move the Elf on the Shelf"
And I was thinking, "Who invented this Elf on the Shelf"

Who, who invented the Elf on the Shelf
Oh, stupid freakin' Elf on the Shelf

And all my friends are posting on Facebook creative things
They're doing with their Elf on the Shelf
And I'm thinking, I'd be lucky if could remember
To move the Elf from the coffee maker back to the shelf
On the fourth, fifth and sixth consecutive nights that I forgot move the Elf on the Shelf
I really, really tried hard to remember
I even wrote a sticky note to myself
But I had hockey that night, and after the game a couple guys said
"Yo, Dave, do you want to go for chicken wings"
And when I got home I watched football
And then I fell asleep on the couch
And I completely forgot to move the stupid freaking Elf on the Shelf
Which led to the seventh consecutive night I forgot to move the Elf on the Shelf
My wife was like "Dave, this is actually pathetic"
Well after the eighth consecutive night that I forgot to move the Elf on the Shelf
My kids were like, "Dad, Santa's not real is he"
And I was like, "NO, Santa's not real, and neither is the elf on the shelf"

And now I don't need to worry about moving the stupid freakin' Elf on the Shelf anymore
Merry Christmas everyone, Merry Christmas from Glacial Erratic