Dust

Just after dusk
I'm feeling long in the tusk
Like I must not be made of dust from stars
But house dust or rust from cars
My dead skin settles on un-played guitars
Nightly
While fewer friends invite me for beers
I get cavalier with snubs and putdowns
On profiles that reach no one
A grey person outline
No face
No emotions

School reunion declined
Lied, messaged back said I'd died
Signed off by the loved one I'd left behind
Who keeps my socials open
Says heart was the width and depth of the ocean
Stop posting
Move to Nova Scotia
Become a Life Coach
Become a slogan
Stop coasting, use lotions
Start feeling less atrocious
I've a definite memory
Of floating to the ceiling as a child
And moving by will power
From room to room
Un-noticed by the adults below
You might think that I'm lying
But believe me I'm not trying t'

I'm in different rooms and places at the same time
Not legion or hive-mind
But scattered with five kinds of silence
Hide it as shyness
Write my own biog but nobody buys it
Like Alec's book
I took liberties, heck
We both know no one believes
I headlined at Leeds and Bestival
Not even on a small stage as guest vocal
Or that I featured on once upon a time a shaolin
I throw in towels
Shriek at hairy moth owls
I meant Baldwin not Ferguson
In case you misunderstood what I said earlier on

I've a definite memory
Of floating to the ceiling as a child
And moving by will power
From room to room
Un-noticed by the adults below
You might think that I'm lying
But believe me I'm not trying t'

I didn't mean to shut you out
Or jam your fingers in the door
I'm sorry, you deserve more
I didn't mean to shut you out
And jam your fingers in the door
I'm sorry, you deserve more
More honesty
More apologies
More bonhomie
Less hypocrisy
I still cheat at monopoly