Remnants of Nick (feat. Locks)

Today
I metaphorically trim my locks
First things first:
RIP Nicky-boy
Miss you a lot

You would think
After another year
It would get easier
You would think that
One more year
You'd be able to breath better

I've been trying
To get rid of this pain I carry
But my mind
Is a road in a blizzard

I can barely see
It's too blurry

Maybe
That's why
I think I need Mary
Maybe
That's why
I wish it was me that was buried

That's why I feel worse
It's so hard
Get lost in my head

What if it was me
Hauled off in that hearse
Instead?

This is my life now
And I feel cursed
Til this pain oozes out of my pores
I will always feel your hurt

I found a note in your room
From
A person
Saying it's okay to do it
That
She'll do it too

She knew
You were going to do it
Three days
Before the gun blew
Even knew
You had the gun
But yet she said nothin
Til you'd already done it

Then she felt remorse

Before you were totally gone
I knew something was wrong
Like Yoda
When there's a shift in The Force

Every one out here postin'
Thinking that it'll make them feel better
But nothing makes this feel better
Hell
I felt the pain for three years
And barely said nothing

I wish I could go back
To the year you left
2016
How could I ever forget
January 19th
The Day
When you took your last breath

Man this shit's hard for me
To This Day
I really wish I could get this
Off my chest

That's why
My phone is full of rhymes
Therapy to try
To get me back to my best

But what I found
Was talent
Hidden
Between these lines

If it wasn't for you
I would've ended up in that casket
I couldn't stop the tears from running
When we laid you to rest
The rain wouldn't stop pouring
I was shrouded by fear
It wasn't til a year later
My vision began to clear

I have finally accepted
That you aren't here
But I know you're not gone
When a red tail comes near

Damn man, now? Looking back
I just took you for granted

You were my brother
We weren't blood
Yet we were so much more
But it all started to end
After that December flood

Three years since
You left us
From that day on
I haven't done nothing but cuss
This is
Yhe only therapy
I know
The only thing
That makes
This better

From every line
To
Every connection
It
Purifies my mind
Oozing
This
Pain out from my pours

Maybe
That's why
I only feel free when
I hear the perfect chord
Til that one day
I realize
I am
Truly
The only one of my kind

Maybe then
I will
Obtain
The peace
I wish to find

Now what I have learned
From you
I can never repay
But what I can tell you is that
Even when skies are grey
Or when you open your door
And it's hell outside
That I will always try
To put a smile on someone's face

Even better, turn around
Their terrible day
Now I haven't been perfect
Since you died, I can truly say
But if it wasn't for you
I wouldn't have gotten lost
Because of you I found my way

My best friend, my brother died
He left this earth via suicide
Might as well just have
Dropped some cyanide

But he put that gun
To his temple
And let it blow
It was the worst time
In my life
I have never been so low

So dark you couldn't even see
In my mind
I was struggling
But the pain he felt
More than out-weighed mine
People hardly
Ask "Locks, man; how are ya doing?"
Even though I am mostly dead inside

I will just tell ya "I am doing fine!"
I will always remember
That call
I got at about nine

Now you're gone
I feel
So
Mentally blind
Got me stuck
Lost
In Time

Maybe one day
I will finally
Obtain my soul
I wish to find

Everything I do is for my true family and my fallen brother
I do this
For his sisters
Brothers
And his step mother
For his father
Please don't even bother

If it wasn't for his only selfish act
It would've been me that was the goner
If heaven had a phone
I would be ya number one caller
Hoping that we will meet again sooner than later
But I owe you
So much more
If it wasn't for you
I wouldn't have found this talent
I would've never found the confidence to ever stand up
I am sorry it took a life to get me here

It's been five years
Nicky-boy
I am
Finally here
I broke from my barriers
That? You knew
I would Do
You were the only one that really saw Luke
You knew
He was no fluke
Saw the talent hidden
That
Was about to break through
Born a duke
But knew a king
He would quickly turn in to

Yeah, Nick, I do this for you
Yeah, Nick, I do this for you
RIP brother, bless you