Scribbles

I ponder the root of the pain in my chest
I ponder whether I think that I know me best
I'd be fonder of the body I live in
If it didn't always beg me to rest
I'd be fonder of the world that I live in
If it didn't feel so much like a test

I question my mouth when I speak
I wonder if everything's bleak
I try to breathe deep
As I try to interrogate my favorite day of the week
As I try to determine which feelings are new
And which ones are antiquе

And I finally take a step back
To see what I've donе with my time
But I only see scribbles
I only see scribbles
I only see scribbles
And none of it rhymes

In the drawers of my mind
(everything's crumbling, feels like I'm tumbling)
Remnants of mountains I've hiked
Do I want to be kind?
(a brain always grumbling)
Or do I just want to be liked? (internal mumbling)

For every thing I choose to say (what should I say?)
A hundred more are on their way (what matters today?)
For every thing that's on its way, a thousand more for another day

I'll sort through the layers, but they tend to collapse at my touch
I'll sort through the rubble, surely there can't be too much
I have the tools to dig (I've learned to dig)
I've learned to breathe the dirt (I've learned to breathe the dirt)
I can't be bothered to come up for air
On days when I don't care if breathing hurts

Smothered by my own stare (eyes always watching)
Mothered by an instinct to care (only me by my side)
Surrounded by dots, that beg to be collected
(thinking any two points, can be connected with the right line)

I'll try to get to the bottom of just one pair
And then I'll be surprised when I get stuck there
Surrounded by dots, that beg to be connected

Till the dots disappear and they move and they fill up my eyes
(I'll over-explain till it all seems absurd)
Till I have to lie down with only myself to advise
(filling any silence with words)

When I finally take a step back (when I take a step back)
To see what I've done with my time
I only see scribbles (I only see scribbles)
I only see scribbles (I only see scribbles)
I only see scribbles (I only see scribbles)
And none of it rhymes

You'd think from rock bottom, at least you'd be forced to look up
But I stare at my feet on the cold rocky ground
And I don't make a sound while the wheels in my head turn around

I'd like to think that each breakthrough will loosen things up
(to make me some room, to build something new)
But what if all of the pieces of walls, that used to confine
Are even more slippery to climb

I finally take a step back
To see what I've done with my time
But I only see scribbles (I only see scribbles)
I only see scribbles (I only see scribbles)
I only see scribbles
And none of it rhymes

I only see scribbles (I only see scribbles)
I only see scribbles (I only see scribbles)
I only see scribbles
But I can force it to rhyme