Sandpaper Hymn

What is this feeling, hovering over
That follows me to bed
The coldest of fingers pressing my lips
The fist upon my head

Call me a liability from the start
I thought that I could bring you more than
The sum of our troubled parts

Lately I'm keeping just out of reach
Of friends who want to help me
I know they see me for what I am
And have no heart to tell me

I am the circularity of my father's speech
Flashes of a mother's rage at every water breach

If history's nothing more than the tales
We choose to tell ourselves
Then why've you discarded every page
Of things that I did well

Have a care what's coming out your mouth
Let condescending words be smoothed out
If every footfall is jarring our little frames
Then who will bend our stooping spines
Back to their proper shape

Maybe this famine hinges to feast
And nourish what has died
But you can't preserve me out in the cold
Just 'cause you won't decide

Would someone tell me my labor is complete
Or give a mathematics for the day to choose defeat
I swear to God, I'm learning to shut my mouth
That every splintered corner be sanded clean and round