God Walks into a Bar

So God comes back to town
Like all those billboards said
It was finally time for him to judge
The livin' and the dead

He runs to the nearest church
He swings open the big ol' doors
He says I'm home everybody
You don't have to pray anymore

But the church is cold and empty
There's no one sittin' in the pews
He checks all the other churches
But they're all empty too

So he heads down to the shoppin' mall
Where he knows lots of people will be
But when he arrives no one screams or says hi
He feels like a washed-up celebrity

So he goes lookin' for a bible at the bookstore
But he can't find one on the shelves
Till he spots one in the fiction section
Next to a book about Santa Claus and his Elves

So he hits the road with that book of good news
And starts knockin' on every door
But everyone that answers
Says they don't believe in angels and demons no more

So God walks into a bar
Where he drinks way too many beers
And he asks the bartender
Why does no one have any faith 'round here?

Have you been livin' under a rock?" the bartender says
Or did you just fall out of the sky?
Scientists made a pill
And if you take it you never die

And without fear of dyin'...well
People find no need to pray
Sure they still got their troubles
But with time most troubles go away

But what about Heaven God says
And all it's eternal bliss
And what about Hell
And all it's flaming fiery pits

Ahh no one cares about those places anymore
And why would they my friend
When they already have a life
That goes on and on and doesn't end

I have an extra pill here
If you wanna give it a try
Why not God says
But when he swallows it he dies