The Loss Adjuster (Excerpt Pt. 1)

["Sitting in the World's End with some indie friendsA newsflash on the TV says the world's about to end.Can't catch all the details 'cos the volume's turned downThis is the last night on Earth, as spent in Camden Town."]

There's no way to escape
This is it.
Tomorrow we will all be gone
So check what time the band are on
Let's go outside.

["Yeah and this was the night I was going to balance the booksThe night I turned a minus into a plus.The night my adjustment became completeI could start again with a clean sheet.Now I can't get through 'cos all the networks are downAnd fires are starting all over town.And you're probably being gang-banged by tattooed locals -Damn those Yokels! Damn those Yokels! And a girl cries as she stumbles by,'No, the world can't end now - it's got to waitIt can't end when I haven't got a boyfriend And I'm half a stone overweight.'And the guys from Arlington House are marauding the streetsAnd convent girls are screwing every man that they meetAnd the album you just bought will never get heardOh yeah - complete social breakdown has occurred.And you find yourself thinking about Egyptian SueAnd the evil things that she used to doAnd the night you almost did it after the wedding receptionBut you didn't have any contraceptionAnd anyway, you couldn't get an erection.Now what the hell made you think of her? Could it be that old saying coming true? That 'nothing could survive a nuclear holocaustExcept cockroaches, and Egyptian Sue.'But even Sue won't make it throughNo, even Sue won't make it through this time.It was around this time that the levels of hysteria around the Kentish Town Road area caused a warping of the Space / Time Continuum And I found myself face to face with a version of myself from fifteen years earlier, when I'd lived in the area.'Greetings Indie Legend,' said I.'Fuck off Sad Bell-End,' came the reply.I wanted to warn him about the rough times aheadBut for some reason he had his coat pulled over his head and wouldn't listen.I left him trying to extricate a punctured Spacehopper from under some rubble in a skip.'He'll find out soon enough,' I thought.And then suddenly I realised that I could no longer breath."]

Here we go
Move along
One last time
The loss adjuster lost his mind
Too many claims, too little time
To file them.

["And suddenly it was a Tuesday afternoonAnd I could see it all crystal-clearLike a giant chandelier, turning slowly in the sideways sunlightHanging by a thread with only seconds to lastAnd each time you rang it was like an Indian call-centre on the line'Yes, I'm doing fine -Just like the last timeAnd the last timeMake this the last time.'"]

We'll all be gone by Monday morning
This is it, your final warning
You never did see Dog Day Afternoon.
Here today, but gone tomorrow
Now you could hang your head in sorrow
Or you could do it
But you'd better do it soon.

Now we'll all be gone by Monday morning
This is it, your final warning
You never did see Dog Day Afternoon.
Here today, but gone tomorrow
You could hang your head in sorrow
You could do it
But you'd better do it soon.

We'll all be gone by Monday morning
This is it, your final warning
You never did see Dog Day Afternoon.
Here today, but gone tomorrow
Now you could hang your head in sorrow
You could do it
But you'd better do it soon.