Ding Ding Doll

What's this? For sale, Authentic cursed ding ding doll
This is the real deal, people. The seller is a
Ecuadorian father mourning the loss of young son, heh heh
Fuck yeah! Send $66.50 to the Yum Yum Fun Corp
Like it's really cursed. No refunds available
Of course, like it's not fake. Fuck it. I'm gettin' it!

I feel the cloth that wraps all across my face
It goes all around my body, tied tight with lace
I'm packaged in darkness, but in what am I encased?
Is it a coffin or a gift box in which I'm placed?
Just then, swiftly, I feel myself lift
And hear thе voice of my owner, "I'm openin' this shit"
What kid would wanna play with a ding ding doll
Fеaturin' the human hair of an actual dead child?
I'm sure (ha ha) One thing's known
He found me on the dark web and shipped me home
I'm hexed with a rare type of ancient Ecuadorian witchcraft
On a dead kid's behalf
Jimmy don't believe I'm real, but that's alright
He don't seem very bright, he's probably dyin' tonight
He pulled me outta the wrap, the air felt good
And now he's readin' the tag stitched to my foot

Beware, parents, Through this doll,
The loss of our beloved child, Toby, is your child's gain
But should they pull his string and hear
Him sing, then you, too, will feel our pain
I'm pullin' it!

Fun, fun, such joyous fun you've had since your life began
Joy, joy, a joyful toy I'll be when your life ends
Soon I will get to watch you suffer, and I'll love it, I won't lie
You pulled my string and made me sing, so ding ding
It's time you die

Jimmy started to worry that I could be authentic
My tag said to hear me sing'll bring his death, and it meant it
He chose to take no chances and thought of what to do
When he saw the slight smile on my face was new
Jimmy thought hard, the fire pit in the yard
He pictured me a melted glob of ash and charred
But that simple-minded plan turned into concern
Soon as the boy learned ding dings don't burn
Lighter fluid wouldn't do it, he finally said, screw it
I know what to do, I'll pound some fuckin' nails through it
Fake laughing as he ran to the garage, across the lawn
Came back and thought he'd seen a mirage when I was gone
Where the fuck did I put him? I left him right here
Sittin' right in this chair, he searched everywhere
Day became night, he finally went in for good
When heard my singing from within the dark of the woods

Fun, fun, such joyous fun you've had since your life began
Joy, joy, a joyful toy I'll be when your life ends
Soon I will get to watch you suffer, and I'll love it, I won't lie
You pulled my string and made me sing, so ding ding
It's time you die

Jimmy laid awake thinkin' of the fate his sleep could bring
Wishin' he never bought that fuckin' creepy thing
He told himself, why bother trippin' it must be father trickin' him
To teach him a lesson, there's no need for the stressin'
Still, he thought he heard me sing again, but it was the cat (Meow)
Layin' on his back, grippin' a bat, at anything he's quick to splat
He wanna peep out the window, and almost did it
But the thought of my face poppin' up told him forget it
He finally slipped out of consciousness, it didn't take long
I crept in with the hammer he left out on the lawn
And them six-inch nails with the dog I made pals
Slipped up in the bedroom, Jimmy be dead soon
Put a nail to his temple under the moon's glow
Dropped that heavy hammer and sunk it into his skull
Both his eyes opened wide and stared into my own
And while they slowly closed for good, I sang him my song

Fun, fun, such joyous fun you've had since your life began
Joy, joy, a joyful toy I'll be when your life ends
Soon I will get to watch you suffer, and I'll love it, I won't lie
You pulled my string and made me sing, so ding ding
It's time you die

Fun, fun, such joyous fun you've had since your life began
Joy, joy, a joyful toy I'll be when your life ends
Soon I will get to watch you suffer, and I'll love it, I won't lie
You pulled my string and made me sing, so ding ding
It's time you die