Winter Solstice Blues

I can light a candle if you want
But I doubt it makes much of a change
In the bleakest of midwinter nights
I see those lips and I want to trace

I've lived this shit for long enough
You've seen me grasping at the straws
In the bleakest of midwinter blues
You've been watching me from afar

But I've been praying that this is not the end
I'm crying out Jesus please forgive me
I'm paralyzed by this God damn doubt
You know I'm scared and insecure
I've been scared and insecure

You are beautiful and know my name
Since we were teens I have called you my friend
But now your circumstances have changed
I've been reaching out to you again and again

It's okay to know I loved her so
Neither one of us held it close
Now I'm out here at your door
Let me in from this bitter cold

And I've been praying that this is not the end
I'm calling out to you please forgive me
Yes I'm aware of this selfish nonsense
Haven't been at my best for a while
I haven't felt like myself for a while

But now I'm trying to see past all my fear
Despite the longest damn night of the year
It's fitting that I'd crave some connection to you
Four nights before Saint Nick comes through

I can light a candle if you want
But I doubt it makes much a difference now
In the bleakest of midwinter nights
I can't tell you why or even how