Distance

I never thought I would say this
but I miss
getting into a crowded bar,
find my way through the people,
smell strange scents,
touch strange arms and backs,
speak into the barkeeper's ear
because it's too noisy,
hug everyone I want to,
sip from my friend's glass,
drink from one bottle,
share a cigarette,
dance with an uncovered face,
doubtless -
no thoughts,
just everyone's breath,
free.

I never thought I would miss this
and with every new day
getting used to seing masks,
not shaking hands,
keeping distance,
I feel that fear
that this image
might disappear forever:

A crowded bar,
sip of my friend's drink,
laugh so hard, I accidentally spit it out,
hug the stranger who just made that joke,
speak into my friend's ear
because it's too noisy,
hold hands,
share the last cigarette,
fall into bed with my clothes still on.

Distance.
Friends become strangers,
strangers already are,
no way they can turn into friends.
And you,
you can never be my friend,
no matter how much you want this.

Distance.
Someone sneezes, I get doubts.
I think my throat is aching,
I become paranoid
because of you,
invisible enemy!

Distance.
I start to forget
what nearness feels like.
I start to forget
what nearness feels like.

I panic.
Breathe
through my mask,
say to myself:
"Don't panic!"
And you sit here,
laughing.
And I sit here,
trying to distance myself
from you,
I'm not getting used to you
-Never-
I'll never get used to you
-Distance-
Never get used to you
-Distance-