Tranquility of Mind / Isolation

I still can't find my inner peace, I'm better dropped off and deceased
The pistols poppin' in the streets, in Bristol rockin' off the East
A little knocked, when at the least
Initial knocking for the priest
So please forgive me for my sins as I repent in my defeat
I've lost it, mentally and physically I'm off it
Anxiety, depression, taking over diagnostic
Every other step, another breath, I'm feeling nauseous
I don't know when it's the end, so baby I'm just staying cautious
Have I lived 15 percent of my life, or 90
It ain't a way to know, I tell my demons come and try me
When I'm gone, I ain't forgotten but don't try to come and find me
My past is immature, it's still lurking from behind me

And I'm scared
And I'm scared don't you ever go there
When everybody rock with me and saying "No fair"
That it's over, maybe in the afterlife I'm sober
Maybe I'm not looking over everybody shoulder
Maybe I'm not seeking social media and closure
I'm addicted to attention barely keeping my composure

Nah, I don't like it

Hello, my name is **** and I'm sorry, you don't see me often
On your birthday and holidays, you won't see me callin'
Just figured I should hit you back, I see you really ballin'
I'm sure that you won't bat an eye when I'm deceased in coffins
But I can't say that I blame you for all my truancy
Having a nephew, I don't know, I guess it's new to me
I'm sorry that I hate your father, but it's true to me
But none of that matters, cos' honestly it could be you and me
Wait, nah, I'm getting ahead of myself
Maybe get the glock and pop some lead in myself, and you'll feel freedom
Freedom from the memories we had, you can delete em'
I say "I love you" once a year, but I don't really mean it
Cos' if I did, I'd leave the past behind in self depletion
And if I did, I'd give the last of mine to help the bleeding from the wound that I left when I told you what you should believe in
You haven't heard from me, a couple years
I'm sorry if I have to hear you shed a couple tears
Losing connection as you grow and you ascending far beyond what I'm expecting, that's just truly what an uncle fears
But you don't have to call me "Uncle" call me *****
I'm sorry, I'm not that type of figure in my life
The consequence of isolation just made me left with no respect
I told you that you won't be nothing with the goals in which you tested
Who am I to take your dreams and disrespect them
Who am I to criticize anything beyond my comprehension
I don't know what it is, but I can't stop the tension
I don't know, I guess this my confession, yet you'll never hear
You'll never hear it, you'll never hear it
But it's coming from the spirit
But you'll probably never hear it
Never hear it
I don't know, I guess this is my confession that you'll just never hear
You'll never hear it
But it's coming from the spirit
You'll probably never hear it, never hear it
But it's coming from the spirit