The Threesome That Never Was

Let me tell you a story
'Bout a, a sad sorry tale
Filled with misfortune
On a, on a grand epic scale

This story is about yours truly
In Tijuana, México
I was drinking and smoking drugs
And a regular at the strip shows

Now that sounds pretty good, yeah?
And it was; I was having a blast
Until the worst thing in the world happened
A sexual fantasy slipped through my grasp

I returned to my hotel room
You won't believe what I saw
Two women rubbing their fun bits
And my jaw, it dropped to the floor

And there's two muff-divers on the double bed
They're moaning and groaning, and giving head
I ask to join in, and they say yes
But I blow it in the end

And ahhh did I blow it
And I don't mean ejaculation
No, I blew the opportunity
For some three way fornication

You see, my hotel roommate was a lesbian
And she'd brought someone back to the room
Meanwhile, I'd been drinking lots of Coronas
And desperately needed the bathroom

So I quickly went to the toilet
Excited about what awaited me
But it was premature jubilation
For my bladder took forever to empty

And when I returned to the room
The sex act that I cherished
Disappeared when my roommate said
"You're too late, mi amigo, we're finished."

And there's two muff-divers on the double bed
They're moaning and groaning, and giving head
I ask to join in, and they say yes
But I blow it in the end

And there's two muff-divers on the double bed
They're moaning and groaning, and giving head
I ask to join in, and they say yes
But I blew it; I went to the toilet instead

And there's two muff-divers on the double bed
They're wriggling and jiggling on the bedspread
They said I could join in, but hold your applause
'Cause this was the threesome that never was