A Jersey-Sized Disgrace

The Boss just blew a .02
That's a quarter of the legal limit
I wish I could see the full report
I'll bet there's something fishy in it

Now law enforcement hasn't loved our man
Since he sang of the American Skin
But 41 shots are 39 more than he'd had when they arrested him

Now Sandy Hook is a special nook
Under federal control
For a National Park Service cop on a slow Saturday stroll

He saw Bruce hop on his bike
Wrap his legs around her velvet rims
Till a fan's empty Patron bottle made a defendant out of him

If they supply a public defender
I know he's gonna win this case
'Cause a DUI for a .02 is a Jersey-sized disgrace

Like Silvio said to Tony Soprano:
Two hearts are better than one
Feeling like you and Steve sang on New Year's Eve
Held up without a gun

This Jersey lawyer will take your call and defend you in Zoom court
And to Judge Mautone
He will intone this passionate retort:

I'm the Boss's new defender - Eric Harrison on the case
And a DUI for a .02 is a Jersey-sized disgrace

Now we can work out a payment plan
I know touring's been kinda slow
Perhaps we could play a couple songs of mine
At your first post-COVID show?

Either way Chris Christie's calling
Though I know that he means well
As your lawyer I must advise not to buy what he might sell

We'll plead you out to drinking in the park
The rest will be erased
'Cause a DUI for a .02 is a Jersey-sized disgrace

It's true nobody's above the law
That's why we're gonna put 'em in their place

And a DUI for a .02 is a Jersey-sized disgrace
Yes a DUI for a .02 is a Jersey-sized disgrace