Elephant In the Room

Yeah
I guess I gotta cut the tension
And face the music, this shouldn't be the place to do it
But I don't wanna run from questions, like
What happened in March
Like I made a whole song and that wasn't mentioned, but
I gotta add more to the story
I won't say this shit again, pay the fuck attention
Cuz it's been a year and nothing changed
Nothin helps with the pain
I fucking lose it when I see her name
I ain't the same, she ain't the same
But I hear she's doing well
And I don't know how, if I knew how I turned out
Would I slit my throat back when I had the chance
Because my fucking life became a backup plan, I don't know
I probably would
It's hard for me to think about a time I was good
And then I met a woman and she did what she could
But then she couldn't handle everything no one should
And I, ain't, mad at ya
It's all that I know, it's out of control
Why would I cover my scars let em show
Maybe you'll see what's so hard to let go
I just want the benefit, of the doubt
I won't hear the end of it, it's so loud
I don't wanna estimate, my detriment's, my deficit
No way out, maybe death is it
So lemme clear this up
It was never her fault, and I wish she could tell
I ain't lucky I survived, I can't live with myself
And I don't think this'll help

Cuz now I don't feel
Now I don't cry
Now I can't heal
Now I can't die
I ain't the same
Look in my eyes
I'm still alive
I don't know why

25 and God won't let me die
But you can if ya tell me that I'm here for a reason
Lost 7 units of blood in the whip
And my Mom had to clean it
Now she can't fucking sleep til I come come home
Traumatized, all of my friends from what I know
Maybe that's the reason that none of us are as close
And that's why they don't call, how the fuck would I know
I don't hear shit from who kept me alive
They made sure that I was, and left me to die
My boy Shawn killed himself, if he survived
He couldn't push me away, he would be here today
And my best friend Kenny cut him down from the noose
I still remember when I found out the news
He ain't been the same since, he was fucked in the first place
Year goes by I almost died on his birthday
They were tryna hospitalize me for a month
Then corona came around, they were stitching me up
Out in 5 days, they stopped giving a fuck, and so did I
I'm too familiar wit regret
I look in the mirror and I see a silhouette
I been fighting for my life ever since
When I lose the fight, then this song is what you get
You can hear it in my voice, I just sound different
I don't talk about my pain cuz I drowned in it
I don't have an option nothin left I can do
And now they wanna talk about the elephant in the room, but there's a mouse in it

Yeah
But there's a mouse in it
Cuz now I don't feel
Now I don't cry
Now I can't heal
Now I can't die
I ain't the same
Look in my eyes
I'm still alive
I don't know why