Suffering as a Contest

Do you feel like you loathe your existence
The hate for yourself the only thing that's consistent
Do you feel like you loathe your existence
The hate for yourself the only thing that's consistent

I can recall a time that I gave a fuck
But now, But now, I feel like I'm only going down
They say that when you're at the bottom you can only go up
But I'm feeling like the floor, is starting to crumble beneath my feet
No matter how hard I try to climb it's like I'm meant to fucking fail
It feels like my life is still unfinished
My will to move on has only deminished

If you're searching for answers, I know not what it means to be
Stable at the core of my soul

You'll feel it coming, you'll feel it every day
The thirst for purpose that makes you want to stay
You"ll feel it coming, you'll feel it every day
The thirst for purpose, but soon you'll
Realize you play suffering as a contest

I feel like it doesn't matter

Life is a journey all about the conquest
Inner struggles, never was a contest
Try to see the light ahead of me, to move forward feels just like pain

Never know the path in life you thought you'd live
I know sometimes that the weight will make us snap
I've been to the bottom, I fed on all the shit, that was given to me
Every single day

I can't feel anything, I can't deal with it
I can't feel anything, I can't deal with it

Life is a journey all about the conquest
Inner struggles, never was a contest
Try to see the light ahead of me, to move forward, feels just like pain

I never thought death was the answer
But maybe I am death itself
I never thought I'd be the cancer
But maybe I should be dead myself

Stuck in here with my thoughts I will never be okay