Fjord Vs Nott (Ultimate Rap Battle)

You're outta your depth, lil' missie
Oh, this fucking guy
The patron of patronising
Well, Nein Hells!
Roll initiative!

Saloon doors see-saw like thaumaturgy
Lawful good has bad blood with chaotic ugly
I'm the mighty fine, Mighty Nein mouthpiece (ooh)
Pannin' bars of gold, I speak to keep the peace
Got a goblin bounty, I'll clean up purty
Can't control Water Closet, caught her ridin' dirty
Talkin' shit with your dump stat? Now I'm Nott hating
What's lower, your charisma or your challenge rating?

So dance like Otto, better shindig fast
Draw my hex shooter, have an eldritch blast
Threads from Agathys, too cool to diss
MC hammered ain't worthy, can't touch this
You drink and dungeon dive, green's yellow as hell
No XP if you hide, so you kill brain cells (zing)
Spin your chamber and we'll go full throttle
But y'all play alone when you spin that bottle

Hey 'Gentleman', ladies go before
Are moist men with no morals too weak to hold a door?
Ball-Eater on the broadside! Light the fuse
Can't be friendly fire, I don't like you!
You insufferable vagrant, I doll up to live
You've got more faces than Pumat, that's what you're going with?
Powder monkey's packing, overload this glass cannon
He'll blink out of existence like with Jester and the dragon

Mooning while I water-walk, release my crack-en
A strike from the rear? That's sneak attacking
Your raps are spectres, dead on creation
I'm stealing this show and your recommendation (hey!)
Your sword can't fathom why you're so brain dead
Roleplaying what it's like to have a voice in your head
Stand up! Stampede! Cowboy's lost the lead
Just took you for a ride like a summoned steed

This ancients mariner flows oceans
With the rhymes that he weaves
We both drowned, you learned to fear
But I learned how to breathe

There's one thing about this power, Fjord
That you don't understand
Here's a DC you can't save
No one likes fucking Aquaman

Voice changed? Wet dreams? Fjord, humour me
You're not special, that's puberty
Quit yer caterwaulin', you cat-eating catoblepas
You cry yourself to sleep, are you wet dream jealous? (oh)
Bite me, Tusk Love! Your Bladegarden has flowered
Is Allura home in that Ivory Tower?
You dual-wield mouths, quite the fighting style
It's like you deepthroated the wand of smiles (ding!)

Nott the best detective, you are the biggest dick
You're so unstable you make me seasick
Was lyin' to your kid worth being forgot?
Was your soul only worth two spell slots?

Ooh, you're an alchemist cookin' up a brawl
Goblin Ramsey with fury of the small
Vorelocks eat for two, you won't suffice
You brew trouble, do you even spice?

Oh, your mama went rogue? What are the odds?
Dropped her Fjord focus, took an uncanny dodge
Now you've got your own ship! I guess it must be fate
It takes an orphan to captain the Mistake

Hypocritical hit! (Yup) you're doinh Luc dirty
Your boy got replaced by a German in his thirties (guten tag)
You're a hex on the strength of your marriage
Their carry capacity can't handle your baggage

Heave ho! Avantika left you a wreck
Did she finger of death your poop deck?
Fjorgot relentless endurance, we salute wistfully
The shortest-lived Spurt in campaign history

Hey, Veth's inner demon, let's make a pact
Grant me powers of booze-breathin' and losing at raps
No reintarnation! Soul of holding is sin-full
Led such a bad life, have to come back as Sprinkle
(Learn) your reflection's your favoured enemy
(Grow) more disturbin' than my deep-sea entity
(Provoke) to meet your eye, I'll numb my fear
(Consume) an endless flask of your tears

You're useless, Fjord, you can't raise Hell
Gotta buff your buffness just to hold this L
Addict's overboard, drunk on power he stole
Warlocks see Divine Gate, make a gloryhole
You haste the end-times, not for evil or plunder
'Cause without them you're as boring as a sea cucumber
From urchin to urchin, your bottom-feeding's over
This Wildmother just spanked Uk'otoa
(Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa)