'Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house
Not a body was stirring
Did I say a mouse?

My stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In the hopes that my new man soon will be there
And my bro and his diddy, and I and my cat
I just settled down for a long winter's nap
When out of the lawn there rose such a clatter
I said, "Mmm, I ain't hardly get to see what was the matter"

But to my wandering eyes, what should appear?
A silver and black Bentley for my Christmas cheer
With a sharp and fine man stepping lively and quick
I knew immediately it was not St. Nick

And right through my front door, he came with a bound
He was dressed in black diamond from up to down
A bundle of gifts he had, and what did I get?
As I squealed opening the package, the same old sh-!

"I'm not ungrateful! You know that", I shouted
As he backed out of the front door, my sincerity, he doubted
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
"Hey! You hell of a woman"
I said, "Child, you're right!", ahaha