1993

Ayo
I hate this pen
I hate the feelin
The way it scrapes against
The paper when I'm tryin
To make some sense
Outta this mad world
It takes away from when
I'm tryin to express pain stress
Ahh it makes me tense
Did I mention
That I hate this pen
I know it probably doesn't
Make much sense
But what can I say I've spent
So many days & nights
Up late to write
To try & make it right
& trust me
It makes a difference
When you feelin so lost & alone
No one here
No one there for you
To call on the phone
No one sharing memories
Cause there ain't
Any to be shared
Got you sittin there
With a glare like you
Physically impaired
Like the universe
Said you're cursed
& you didn't even swear
To the point
That you wishin you were dead
Life's
Been kicking you in the rear
Feelin like it isn't even fair
The pressure's gettin real
So you start to question
Everything & everyone
Everything you've ever done
Ever met
& everyone that never was
Every single what if this
Or what if that
& what if nothin ever happens
Or worse yet
What if somethin does
But

I'm not as crazy as I used to be
I'm not as crazy
Crazy crazy
Not as crazy as I used to be
Or as you would think
Ow
I'm not as crazy as I used to be
I'm not as crazy as I used to be

I'm not as crazy as I used to be
But truthfully
If you were me
Or walked in my shoes
I'm pretty sure you too would be
On the verge of breaking down
All the world's forsaking how
You makin rounds
Trust I could do
Without the scrutiny
Screw with me
I am the captain of my ship
Performing mutiny
Mutiny
So as time keeps goin
I cease motion
& I seem frozen
Like it was below
32 degrees
Got everybody askin
Who is he
They keep pushin my buttons
Thinkin they muting me
Who they kiddin
Thinkin they slicker
Than Rick the Ruler be
My flow is beyond deep
I know that I won't reach
Any soul if I don't speak
So Lord lemme gon preach
Preach
& lemme keep on goin
Keep on rising
Keep on proving
Keep defining
Keep defying
Can't deny
That I've been tryin
& pioneering my path
For so long
So long so long
Competition
Stop it listen
There ain't any opposition
When most of em
Ain't even close to the level
My eleven year old son's on
Son's on
Man I've had it with this pen
It shouldn't agitate as much
But it does
Even tho it shouldn't matter
Cause it's not about the pen
But the hand that's holdin it
Wait wait hold up
That's it there it is
Yes I know it is
That's the one
That's my pen
That's my friend
The best of them
Oh how you been
I missed you man
Now grab my pad
& let's begin & let's begin
It just feels right
You in my grasp & I in yours
My fault
I haven't been writing more
It's aight of course
It's time our eyes look forward
Think they defeating me
With a sweet 16
But'll never be in the
Final four

Oh
I'm not as crazy as I used to be
Ha
I'm not as crazy as I used to be
Ow