Hearticulate

(I'm not a rapper or a rapper, I'm an illustrator
Straight up)

Question
Ever used your words to paint?
Watch me get my pen to speak
Peak a boo. I'm hiding from my tombstone in the cemetery
Death is not a friend so
I don't wanna see the end of me
And fuck life cause life is the friend of my enemy
'96 I graced the earth, spirits been here centuries
Guided me to see expressive art is essentially
How to use my heart to communicate sensually
Empty inside, empty bottles on my centrepiece
Pouring tears, pour a drink then pour out on a melody
Remember these emotions are just temporary
So never ask me how I'm feeling after I hearticulate
Cause chances are, I might just slip and tell you accidentally
Chances are, I really don't wanna relive the memories
But ask me to perform?
I'll share a few more
Flows coldest when I'm heated, so I'm always lukewarm
You ever had to wipe a face from tears that you've caused?
Praying that you only will imagine it
Cause I heard the clean hearted always find happiness
So when I take an L after L after L after L?
I've gotta wonder why that still hasn't happened yet
We kick ourselves when shit doesn't go "according to plan"
But that's the thing about divine timing
Sometimes we are powerless and must accept what we can't control
Control what we can't accept
Back when I used to dance some would say I had moves
Some would say I should quit, some would tell me improve
Started thinking Im shit, "no-ones feeling my groove"
I laugh about it now, back then I wasn't amused
Just put yourself in my shoes. Sensitive to abuse
Where everything that I do, somebody wanna screw
Now my thoughts are in ink, incubate in my room
Hatching plans like "how am I gonna paint my mood?"
Started reaching for souls, some were telling me "shoo"
Wear my heart on my sleeve, pour it out on a tune
But sometimes I struggle to hearticulate
(Sometimes I struggle to hearticulate)

Ever used your words to paint?
Watch me get my pen to speak
Peak a boo. I'm hiding from my tombstone in the cemetery
Death is not a friend so
I don't wanna see the end of me
And fuck life cause life is the friend of my enemy
Kept this waitress waiting at this place that I went to eat
And said "I will attend to you because you are a 10 to me"
We had an honest chat about discovering identity
I need to know this entity that God has clearly sent to me but
Somehow the conversation started steering sexually
Eventually
She'll learn about my venture then pretend to be
Genuinely concerned saying "vent to me
Tell me how you're feeling
Spiritually and mentally!
We connect on so many levels that's how I know that we're meant to be
Tell me, do you believe in destiny?"
But I'm steady thinking bout the one that got away
They say men don't know what they had until it's too late
I was fortunate to not be one in that position
But somehow I'm still feeling like she was supposed to stay

I think I love you but my mind is at war
And I wanna hug you, squeeze you tightly of course
But I can't touch you cause I'm covered in thorns
Meaning I'll hurt you if you come back for more
Don't wanna play you, so let's put this on pause
While I'm learning to hearticulate
I expose all my wounds when I hearticulate
And I swear
If I tried as many times as I talked about it
I doubt that I would be here to talk about it
It almost feels like I have dragged a situation I need to get over by now
So this is the last time I'll ever mention suicide
I knew a guy
Who told me
"Death never knocks when its suitable"
Still I pray that only Angels show up at my funeral
Reminding everybody that everything will be beautiful because
I managed to hearticulate
I managed to hearticulate

Ever used your words to paint?
Watch me get my pen to speak
Hearticulating vivid images intensively