This Song Triggered My Anxiety

Another day with allergies, Mother Nature be hatin'
Momma says I'm gonna be big

Notice the hesitation
Pushin' poetry while I pray I don't get that virus
Devil saying people ignore me cause I'm speakin' in papyrus
Need go to therapy, but half of me says I'm fine
While my other half wanna end it here, and go talk to Lord divine
Used to have so many friends, few I loved the most
But, now that we're older, all their bodies turned to ghost
Seein' them live their lifes, just a photo at a time
On my desktop, full of lyrics, breathin' life into rhymes
Like, "Have you heard of TLR, I swear his music great"
"He doesn't know me, like personally, but I love he can relate"
"And his beats be catchy, they're always inside my head"
"Though for some reason his words don't sound as happy as he said"
If his words are true, then his thoughts are kinda' scary
Like saying "You'll understand my pain when you see my obituary"

I feel so alone
My house don't feel like home
Father are you there
Please just say you care

Cause I just wanna go away
Can I go to you
And no, I'm not okay
I just don't know what to do
Cause I just wanna go away
Comin' home to you
And no, I'm not okay
I really don't know what to do

Up, up, and away, I'm on that pursuit of my happiness
Used to feel so great, but now I get sick smokin' cannabis
Spiral comin' down, why can't I stay up on cloud nine
Tryin' to talk to God, but I forget to do it every time
I do love my girl Mary, but I need to leave her palace
And go down that rabbit hole with Jack Trippa, and that Alice
Maybe I can find myself once I'm goin' at full sail
If I never come back then that means I went beyond the vail
For all the kids that are listen, you gotta stay alive
Heaven knows that this world doesn't want ya'll to survive
I've already jumped off that cliff, so my mental state has shattered
The adult in me is dead, that's why I'm crazy like the Hatter
Somewhere in that Little Apple a piece of me is now lost
Got my ball and chain, and I just keep on droppin' my damn cross
This song triggered my anxiety, but who's payin' attention
Depression is in my songs because it's somethin' I don't mention
Don't even know who to talk to, cause nobody there to listen
And the ones I try to tell usually vanish or go missin'
I don't blame them, they aren't the ones that need the fixin'
Blamin' myself for my own position

I feel so alone
My house don't feel like home
Father are you there
Please just say you care

Sometimes I talk to walls, I get afraid that you are busy
While I try to live you truth, hopin' that you will accept me
Such a "Christian" boy, that sins like only you would know
I'm so far from being a savior, I know I am no hero
Terrified of bein' left behind durin' the Tribulation
Scared I'll see Heaven from the other side if Hell's my destination
Scripter says my thoughts shouldn't even be a factor
But my body's of the dirt, and will return to there after

I feel so alone
My house don't feel home
Father are you there
Please just say you care

Cause I just wanna go away
Can I go to you
And no, I'm not okay
I just don't know what to do
Cause I just wanna go away
Comin' home to you
And no, I'm not okay
I really don't know what to do