I'm Tired

I ain't got shit to prove
Now that I'm thinking about it I ain't got shit to lose
Every day's like Russian roulette with the way that life picks a mood
But for years I've been stuck in this darkness and now
I'm a different dude constantly pissed and bruised, everyday it's like

Everyday it's like I'm struggling to get up on my feet
I wanna stay on my toes but the mental scars won't heal
Can't deal with the buckling of knees cus I'm weak the suffering is really cutting deep
I don't even understand how I made it this far I thought I was gonna die at 19
But God's plan for me apparently wasn't that, Potential is the way and I'm full of that
But I've gotta get it on my ones
It's not fun, pushing everybody to the side cus I don't trust
A single soul, conversation and mingling, no
I cannot feel your love
A broken heart is inevitable
As long as I am in your life you've signed yourself up for failure everybody is eligible
And everybody other than me is preferable

Now I constantly
Fail to pass these tests in life I just can't believe that the storm's gonna pass one day
I just pray that it passes way before I do
Forget that I don't wanna be saved
And the voices in my head don't wanna behave
They're corrosive chemical bad and I've never been a snake but I'm still a venomous lad
I've got problems. I mean I'm doing fine surely there is no need to "get better"
If anything this independence is a good thing I wanna be lonely forever
On the contrary I've got dreams of having a couple children and raising em better
But I'll always keep a piece of me hidden I'm shady so they might hate me forever

I - wonder if I'll ever see happiness nehh probably NEVER
I - wonder if I can learn to love and feel loved nehh probably NEVER
I'm so used to this one man army that I can never ever let a man in NEVER
You claim that we're friends but only hit me up when you want I'm screaming
Whatever, whenever whoever it's air
I notice every single thing that happens
I just don't open my mouth unless I need to so I'm over prepared
The art of deception perception's a dangerous weapon, judging a book by it's cover
I'm always keeping it humble
Hanging on the low just like a cow's udder
If you talk too much chances are that word's gonna spread like a plague or virus
Lose lips, sink ships and that's why I keep talking to a minus
Minimal, ever since I turned anti my thought process turned pivotal
Since I'm one of God's children I guess the spirit in me is lineal I'm far from my pinnacle