Raising Hell

Make a scene, scream a lie
My sickness is my alibi
Swinging moods go to and fro
There's so much wrong that you don't know
Saying shit I never mean
My insides jealous shades of green
Eventually I take it back
But can't erase a single pact
Inside is an ugly itch
Surface level evil bitch
I beg of you for one more chance
I reach for you and snap the branch
Between us is the tree of trust
And you have almost had enough
You slowly turn to walk away
Then this is what I had to say

Please don't go, I need some help
I don't feel safety from myself
My brain is out of my control
My darkness has me in its hold
It's not fair you carry the weight
But you're not prisoned to the gates
I do not know if you can tell
That it's not me who's raising hell

The past has me in lock and chain
No matter if it's night or day
Can't leave unless I leave for good
But I'm frightened, I never could
I fear and fantasize my death
I curse my name under my breath
The only chance I'd get is one
And I have yet to hold a gun
I've been told I'm a tough case
I cannot look me in the face
My body rejects every pill
My mind hinders my every thrill
No blade can cut away this hurt
No moment gives my life a worth
I call my friend, and start to moan
Drive them away, I'll be alone

I don't know if I want your help
I see no value in myself
My brain will never start to change
I'll just grow more and more deranged
I cannot carry my own weight
I'm walking to my evil gates
I do not know if you can tell
But this is why I'm raising hell

There's logic behind every strife
There's comfort in a worthless life
There's red flags sprouting up like weeds
There's urges that I need to feed
There's warning signs that are ahead
There's someone wishing I was dead
There's so much waiting to attack
There's no such thing as turning back